From my journal on August 1st, 2022.
My stomach is in knots. I’m feeling nervous. Nervous about the fact that it won’t just be Adam and me anymore. We will have to care for another human. Don’t get me wrong I am thrilled to be hosting. I’m just scared and my scaredness comes from my own insecurities. Will I be a good role model? Will she like me? Will Adam and I fight a lot in front of her? Will we be good role models? Can I teach her photography? Does she want to learn it? Will she love it the way I love it? Will she have a good time? Will she regret being placed with us? Will this make Adam and I grow apart, stay the same or grow closer? What do her parent think or feel about her leaving their home for 10 months to live with kidless adults? I feel like these are real questions I would ask if we were having a baby, fostering, or adopting. Will I be a good mom? What do we call ourselves? host-parents? I’m a host-mom. Sounds good. Do I have what it takes? Will I spoil her….too much? Will she take advantage of me? Walk over me? I don’t want to be too bossy or hard. I don’t want to be compared to a mean or hard mom. I want her to like me. Do I really care what she thinks? I am an adult and I love my life. You will open your arms to her and love all of her. You will have an amazing time and give her an unforgettable experience. Things between Adam and you will be just fine. He will love her too. YOU GOT THIS.
2023
Looking back I can still see 2022 pre-Martina-Miranda, and feel all her feelings. I will start with this….it was an amazing experience. I am so thankful it happened. To answer everyone’s top question first, no, at this time we will not do it again. I never say never but nope. Why no? Because Martina ended up being the perfect mix of both Adam and me. Crazy but true. I did exactly what I wanted to do, give her an unforgettable experience. I gave her a fair warning about how extra I am and how I had hoped to do a bunch of stuff with her that we would have done with our own child had we had one. She said she was up for it and it was a done deal. WE DID SO MUCH and it felt like the months flew by. Too fast if you ask me. I got to be a mom for 10 months. It was an experience. I got to wake up every morning and say, “Good morning Sunshine”, and drove her to school saying, “Have a great day, see you after school.” I then got to pick her up and hear all about the day’s events and have honest conversations with her. It filled my soul. It reminded me that I once was a teenager too and to not look down at her or think less of her problems but to listen, be understanding, and hold space. We didn’t always agree, we didn’t fight, I never had to “yell” at her. This all goes for Adam as well. We laughed, had fun adventures, had great conversations in the car or at the top of the stairs, and belted out Bruno Mars songs in the car. We made memories. Ones I will never forget. I also journaled throughout the 10 months of her stay. I am so happy I have it all to look back on.
it has been a few months since she went back home and I still wake up thinking she is still here. We do a video call occasionally, and it fills my cup! I know her family was so happy to have her back. I am still so thankful. Someone recently asked if the feeling were reciprocal, I can not speak for Martina but the feeling I got was that she was happy with her time here and the experience she had.
Recently, with Martina gone, I added some plants to what was Martina’s room so it could be a happy place again. When I walk by it I smile. Getting our house back to just Adam and me has been interesting. I was trying not to do anything too fast but it made me feel better to have it cleaned and sorted. Adam still makes comments that I am trying to forget her…I can tell you that I will never forget her or her time with us.
On August 5th, 2022 she got off the plane in Michigan and today I celebrate her from 4,585 miles away.
It has been a year.
much love, Miranda