I have touched on this subject a few times over my blogging years….bullying.
Growing up I had a good life. I pretty much had everything I wanted and more, yet school was a different story. I never had it easy there.
As far as I can remember it all started for me in fourth grade. I am not sure what it was exactly that made me a target. I was an over enthusiastic child, taller than most and I rocked the red Sally Jessie Rafael thick glasses. As people say “kids can be cruel.” I tried and tried to make people like me and to have “those” girls stop picking on me. But the teasing the name calling. It took a toll.
Don’t get me wrong. I had friends. I just had a need to be liked and loved. This morning as I was interneting I came across this video.
[vimeo video_id=”59956490″ width=”400″ height=”300″ title=”Yes” byline=”Yes” portrait=”Yes” autoplay=”No” loop=”No” color=”00adef”]
Shane Koyczan, the poet wrote and started the To This Day Project. After seeing this video and spending hours on his website, Shane seems like an amazing man.
His poem really spoke to me….especially this
“…we used to stay inside for recess
because outside was worse..”
By fifth grade I was that girl, the one who stayed inside rather than face the unknown of outside. I was lucky enough to have a few friends who stayed inside with me. To this day I still call one of those girls my best friend.
I felt alone. Not knowing that most people go through these struggles.
When I heard these words….I teared up….
“… if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself
get a better mirror
look a little closer
stare a little longer
because there’s something inside you
that made you keep trying
despite everyone who told you to quit…”
To my high school counselor who told me that this whole art thing probably “wont work out,” you were wrong.
To the people who called me names and taunted me, you were wrong.
“… they have to be wrong
why else would we still be here?
we grew up learning to cheer on the underdog
because we see ourselves in them
we stem from a root planted in the belief
that we are not what we were called we are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on a highway
and if in some way we are
we only got out to walk and get gas
we are graduating members from the class of
f off we made it
not the faded echoes of voices crying out
names will never hurt me
but our lives will only ever always
continue to be
a balancing act
that has less to do with pain
and more to do with beauty.”
I am beauty.
I actually have to thank everyone who every teased me. I thank them because out of all the tears and sadness I found me. Out of all the times I over gave myself, I found true friends who didn’t need to be bought or make me feel used. Friends who love me for me. Out of the tears no one would ever love me, I found love.
I chose to see the beauty in life and for that I thank them.
much love, miranda
For anyone I may have ever “bullied” because I was bullied, know this, I am sorry.
These images are thanks to my friend Sam, of Shutter Sam Photography. Thanks for making me feel special!!